Meat
by Puttylol
Summary: What started out as Leaf's simple hunt for meat turned into an encounter with a crazy old professor and the person she disliked the most. Oneshot. Parody of the beginning of FireRed and LeafGreen. Crackish.


**I don't own any of this characters or Pokemon.**

**I made up this Leaf's personality, since she really doesn't have a defined one in the games. So with that said, don't be like: "WTF SO MUCH OOC IN THIS WITH LEAF." That may be true with Gary though...**

**Well this is my first time using the human characters of Pokemon, so... hopefully I didn't do too bad ^^' Anyways, this is kind of a parody of the beginning of FireRed/LeafGreen adventure fics.**

* * *

Leaf woke up with a sudden desire for meat. She always wanted meat, but this desire was STRONG.

Meat. It was tender and juicy, full of flavor – unlike those fruits and vegetables everyone ate. In a world where eating Pokemon was looked down upon (because of those crazy Pokemon Fanclubs) the only way to get meat was to either buy it in a meat specialty store (which was only in big cities) or hunt for it yourself.

And in the small town of Pallet, the only way to get meat was to hunt for it.

Leaf kicked her sheets off her and climbed out of bed. She grabbed her white sun hat and placed it over her messy brown hair, and went down stairs, not bothering to brush her hair or change out of her blue pajamas.

"LEAF!" A dark haired woman appeared in front of her, a wide grin stretching across her face.

"Mom, don't smile like that. It's scary."

Her mother ignored her. "You're awake so early!"

"Early?" Leaf glanced at the clock. It was twelve in the afternoon. She _was_ up unusually early. Even before when she went out hunting for meat, she'd never woken up so early. Her desire for meat today was very strong.

"You must be finally ready to receive your Pokemon!" Her mother sniffled and wiped her eye with a finger. "I'm so proud of you…"

Leaf frowned. 'Receive a Pokemon' could only mean getting one from the professor. Her mother had been telling her from the past week that the professor was looking for, but she'd always stay inside to avoid him and his grandson. She would think that he would have ran out of Pokemon from the sheer number of kids coming to him, but since her mother was telling her this, it didn't seem like that was true.

"Leaf? What's with that expression…? Oh come on, you haven't talked to Gary for years. I'm sure he would have stopped teasing you by now. People changed after awhile! "She smiled reassuringly. "I've been told he's waiting for when you get a Pokemon to receive one of his own. Isn't that just sweet? He wants to go on a Pokemon adventure with you!"

The brunette shook her head. "I don't like that kid. Or his family."

Her mother put her hands on her hips, giving the girl a disapproving look. "Now, Leaf-"

"And I don't want to go on a Pokemon adventure."

Her mom let out an exasperated sigh. "You're eleven now Leaf. Most kids go on theirs when they're ten."

"I woke up to get meat for us. And I'm going to get that meat. Not to go on a Pokemon adventure," Leaf continued firmly, paying no heed to what her mom was saying.

"Meat? Why didn't you say so before? " Expression brightening, her mother skipped to the door and opened it. She motioned to her daughter with her hands. "Go get us some meat, Leaf! We'll have a good breakfast today!"

The girl nodded. She was glad her mom was a meat loving person like her. They saw eye to eye at times.

* * *

Route 1 was where there was a bountiful of Pidgeys. Leaf liked the taste of them. They were full of tender meat and when sprinkled with just a little bit of salt, were delicious. Plucking the feathers off was a hassle, but it was worth it.

She moved closer to the sound of a Pidgey chirping. She peered over the tall patch of grass. There it was the small, plump, brown bird. All she had to do was grab it when it wasn't looking and wrap her arm around its throat. It would then stop trashing around due to the lack of oxygen and faint, and then she could take it home. _I could write a book about catching them_, she thought to herself.

She inched closer towards it, making sure she was silent. When she was in distance, she would pounce on it.

"YOYOYO MEGATRONHOLIC!"

Alarmed, the Pidgey squawked, alerting others in the flock. Then they all flew away, stirring up the winds as they did so. Leaf stumbled backwards in surprise and stared wistfully at her breakfast escape. She huffed and whipped around; wanting to know just WHO scared away her food.

An aged man with gray hair stood there, arms spread apart. He wore a lab coat, with a pin that read in shiny letters: _Professor Oak._

Suddenly he grabbed her wrist, dragging her away from the grass. "You CANNOT go into tall grass without a friend! How about we go underground?"

Leaf tried to pull away, but the old man was stronger than her looked. "Let go of me," she said in a stoic matter.

Professor Oak stopped to stare at her. "Who are you?"

She groaned. This was EXACTLY why she didn't want to be with the professor. He had developed a severe case of Alzheimer's. "Leaf," she replied. "Let me go."

"Your name is Wikakamiko? Strange."

"Let go of me. You're crazy."

"I once saw you sprout berries out of your head! You're quite unique, you know? Say...are you a boy or a girl? I can't tell."

"This can count as kidnapping."

"No yuppity nope! No can do. My father requested for you. So I'm bringing you to him."

Leaf struggled against him once again. It was no use. He continued to drag her with the iron grip on her wrists. She gave up, letting him take her to what was probably his lab. He was still an old man, so she could probably out run him when he let go of her.

* * *

"Here is my bathroom. Isn't it nice?" Professor Oak cooed, once they were in front of his lab. Leaf had seen it multiple times before when she was younger. It was once a clean, white building , but now after Oak had developed Alzheimer's, the professor had splattered buckets of paint on it, transforming it into a mess.

"Your place looks disgusting," she remarked.

Professor Oak crossed his eyes and turned his head towards her. "Now you're here for a Pokemon, aren't you Leaf?"

The brunette blinked in surprise. "You remember my name?"

He nodded. "Well of course! So you do want a Pokemon, correct?"

Leaf was about to shake her head, when she stopped herself. One of the Pokemon he offered was a Squirtle, wasn't it? She had always wanted to try turtle soup. Perhaps she could get one and then her mom could try to make it. Before she knew it, she was nodding.

"Well then come inside Wikakamiko, into the amusing of descending grace," he said, letting go of her hand.

Leaf thought about running away, but quickly dismissed the idea. She wanted to try some turtle soup.

"Gramps! Is she here yet?" a boy with auburn spiky hair yelled, running out the sliding doors. He was scarily familiar, with a cocky glint in his green eyes.

"Oh no," Leaf muttered.

It was Gary. A taller, but still the same, Gary. There was no way her mother was right about him changing for the better.

He gawked at her, before his face contorted into a sneer. "Ha Leaf! Long time no see! Are you in your pajamas still? Man you're stupid!"

Her mother was definitely wrong.

"You came for a Pokemon from Gramps, did ya? Wel-"

"Now that you're here, I suddenly don't want one. Bye," she said, quickly whirling around to head off.

"Whoa, wait a moment!" he shouted, running in front of her. "You aren't going anywhere yet." Leaf glared at him, causing him to smirk that smirk she hated.

"Leaf!" the professor called. "Do you mind telling me who this person is? "

"Gramps! It's me!" Gary cried.

Professor Oak gasped. "Your name is Gramps? Funny, this hobo always calls me that."

"I am that ho- I mean, I'm your grandson! I'm Gary!"

"Say are you a boy or girl? I can't tell."

"BOY! Is your hearing aid broken? I'm GARY!"

"Mary? My, some girls look really boyish these days."

"GARY. G–A-R-Y. GARY!"

Professor Oak winced. "Not so loud, girl. You're going to break my hearing aid. Leaf, do you know what her name is?"

She glanced at Gary, who shot her glare before turning away. This was quite amusing to her. "I don't know her," she said simply.

"STUPID OLD MAN, I'M GARY!" he roared in frustration.

"What's that?" Professor Oak reached a finger to his ear and pulled out a small device. "My hearing aid broke! Well I have no idea who any of you are, so I'll be traveling back to seventh region in the unicular planet. Toodles!" He twirled a hand in the air and shimmied back into his lab.

Leaf snickered. She felt bad for him having to deal with his grandfather's Alzheimer's, but he deserved it after bullying her when they were younger.

Gary glowered at her, raising a threatening fist. "Stop that!" he growled.

"Are you going to hit me?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, lowering his hand. "No, I 'm going to do worst!" He smirked. "I have the PERFECT Pokemon for you."

Leaf raised an eyebrow. This was definitely a prank. She watched in suspicion as he brought out a shiny Pokeball and tossed it. In a flash of bright light a Pokemon emerged, flopping around spastically.

It was a Magikarp.

"There! It matches your looks, personality, intelligence, and EVERYTHING else about you!" Gary threw back his head and laughed.

Leaf bent down and picked it up by the tail. It flailed around in the air, seemingly staring at nothing with its bulging eyes. It was quite a funny looking creature. "I'll accept, seeing how you caught it just for me."

Gary stopped laughing and stared at her. "H-hold up, that's not why…"

Leaf stared at the spastic fish she was holding. She had to wonder if it would taste good. Honestly, she knew that her mom had no idea how to prepare turtle soup. But she knew that cooking fish was fairly easy, even though she had never eaten one before. She glanced at Gary, who was still rambling about something she didn't really care about. Although she hated to ask him anything, maybe he knew if it was good. "Does this taste good?" she asked, raising the Magikarp higher.

Gary stopped talking, eyebrows furrowed down. "What?"

"Does this taste good?"

"…"

"Well? Do you know?"

"I hope you know you aren't funny, stupid."

She gave him a strange look. "Why would I try being funny?"

"… Are you being serious?"

She nodded.

A mixture of disbelief and horror crossed his face. "Do you EAT Pokemon? Is that why I see you choke Pidgeys sometimes?!"

"Yeah. What did you think I was doing?"

"I thought you were being stupid again!"

"I'm not stupid. I need to eat to live, so I eat them."

"Who CHOKES Pidgeys to eat them?!"

"I do."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You… you've changed! You're so…so… so weird now!"

She shrugged. "You haven't changed." Smiling, she added, "Thanks for the breakfast. Bye." she turned around, walking back home with the Magikarp still flopping in her hand.

* * *

**Wow. That ending was... really bad. Along with this whole fic.**

**Anyways, this was kind of pointless. I was just bored, but hey, this is Fanficition! NON PROFIT WRITING WOOT WOOT!~**

** I apologize if the Alzheimer's bit offended you btw. **

**Well review please and have a great day! **


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